This time next week I’ll be on my way to a new home. I feel as ready I can hope to be. As I bide my remaining days in Washington, I can’t help but think of my move to Eugene and the similarities and differences it shares with this change.
When I moved to Oregon, I left my friends and family behind to do something for myself. I started fresh in a new town- I made new friends (and great ones, at that), I got a new job and a new apartment. All these things I will do again in Connecticut or Boston or New Hampshire or wherever I settle. However, this time I’m leaving my loved ones much farther away. And I’m not completely alone; I’ll have aunts and uncles, grandma, grandpa and Derek nearby. But I don’t have an easy-to-explain reason for why I’m going. For Oregon, it was school. This time it’s not that simple.
Why am I moving? The shortest answer is because it feels right, although that’s certainly not the most clear response. There are many factors pushing and pulling in my new direction: I’m ready for change; Seattle didn’t offer me a writing job; I want to be closer to my extended family; I want to be closer to Derek; I need a break from immediate family drama; I have no commitments keeping me in Washington. I can’t say that any one reason is more accurate than the other. It’s all those things, and probably more that I can’t even articulate.
My mind is a mess these days as the reality of my move sinks in. Every now and then it hits me, like a pie in the face, that I’m actually going- that everything will be different. It doesn’t seem real. I’ve been planning this big event but, now that it’s here I don’t how to feel or what to do with myself.
I’m scared. I worry that I won’t find a job. Or that I won’t like the East Coast. Or that Derek and I won’t make it. I’m afraid that my homesickness will be unbearable or that I’ll miss too many milestones for the friends and family I’m moving away from. I’m concerned that my expectations are too great or that I’ve romanticized the move.
But I’m also really excited. It’s thrilling to not know exactly what’s in store for me. I feel daring and confident. I survived the move to Eugene and came out stronger for it, so I can only imagine the greatness that will develop from this change, especially since I have so much support.
So, this week I’m taking deep breaths and lots of pictures. Monday, I say good-bye to Seattle with one last sleepover at Doug and Megan’s. Tuesday, my grandpa arrives from Connecticut to be my co-pilot for the drive. Wednesday, I bid farewell to the Tux Shop. In my days off I’ll see little sister Rebecca play volleyball and little sister Jessica cheer, I’ll have dinner with friends and a bbq with family. I’ll fill my heart with as much happiness as possible, store it up for the “What was I thinking?!” days that are surely ahead.
My new beginning is just around the corner, wish me luck.