Just about a week after returning from Balloon Adventure (the sequel), the novelty of living in Connecticut with my Aunt and Uncle is beginning to fade. Instead, all these negative emotions are flooding in.
Before leaving Seattle, I applied for unemployment benefits with the small hope that I would be approved and could have a small trickle of income coming in. Well, as I expected, I was denied. I think that started this spiral-effect of pessimism which I may or may not have taken out on Derek last night (but I’ve since apologized for my bad attitude).
I’m frustrated with the job search (I know, already) but anyone who has been out of work recently knows how exhausting and futile it feels to send out 5 resumes a day and get absolutely no response whatsoever.
I feel like a useless bum (no matter how many jobs I apply to) for having time to watch TV mid-day and for not having anything more productive or fulfilling to do with my time.
I feel completely dependent on others (which you may remember from an earlier post, is very difficult for me).
And worse of all- I feel incredibly lonely. I miss my friends and WA family like crazy. And I miss knowing where things are and having things to do and people to do them with. Country life in a new state where I don’t know anyone but my family is more isolating that I expected.
Please don’t misread my complaining as ungratefulness. My Aunt, Uncle, Grandma and Grandpa have been nothing but wonderful to me. Supportive, generous, loving- everything I should need. My aunt continues to surprise me with gifts I don’t need or deserve (like a salon/spa pampering session or this gorgeous jacket I fell in love with). I feel guilty accepting (not that I have a choice- when Aunty Sharon wants to do something nice, she won’t take “no” for an answer). It’s a difficult adjustment. Much more so than I thought it would be.
I’m certain that in a few months I will look back on this post and be embarrassed for my whining. Because by then I’m sure I’ll be in a much happier, more assured place in my new life. But I’m not there yet and until I find more sturdy footing on the East Coast, send me a little more love than usual. I need it right now and I miss you.