A bit of a Negative Nancy

Just about a week after returning from Balloon Adventure (the sequel), the novelty of living in Connecticut with my Aunt and Uncle is beginning to fade. Instead, all these negative emotions are flooding in.

Before leaving Seattle, I applied for unemployment benefits with the small hope that I would be approved and could have a small trickle of income coming in. Well, as I expected, I was denied. I think that started this spiral-effect of pessimism which I may or may not  have taken out on Derek last night (but I’ve since apologized for my bad attitude).

I’m frustrated with the job search (I know, already) but anyone who has been out of work recently knows how exhausting and futile it feels to send out 5 resumes a day and get absolutely no response whatsoever.

I feel like a useless bum (no matter how many jobs I apply to) for having time to watch TV mid-day and for not having anything more productive or fulfilling to do with my time.

I feel completely dependent on others (which you may remember from an earlier post, is very difficult for me).

And worse of all- I feel incredibly lonely. I miss my friends and WA family like crazy. And I miss knowing where things are and having things to do and people to do them with. Country life in a new state where I don’t know anyone but my family is more isolating that I expected.

Please don’t misread my complaining as ungratefulness. My Aunt, Uncle, Grandma and Grandpa have been nothing but wonderful to me. Supportive, generous, loving- everything I should need. My aunt continues to surprise me with gifts I don’t need or deserve (like a salon/spa pampering session or this gorgeous jacket I fell in love with). I feel guilty accepting (not that I have a choice- when Aunty Sharon wants to do something nice, she won’t take “no” for an answer). It’s a difficult adjustment. Much more so than I thought it would be.

I’m certain that in a few months I will look back on this post and be embarrassed for my whining. Because by then I’m sure I’ll be in a much happier, more assured place in my new life. But I’m not there yet and until I find more sturdy footing on the East Coast, send me a little more love than usual. I need it right now and I miss you.


4 responses to “A bit of a Negative Nancy

  1. Mom

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!!!! I am very proud of the big move you made and I know something great will come out of it! Chin up, yada yada yada…. Know always you are loved!!!

  2. Mego

    Hey girlfriend, we miss you too. Sorry I have been lax about keeping in contact lately. Things are crazy on this side of the country. Family drama, still trying to fix my stupid car, etc. Anyway, Doug and I haven’t talked much about Christmas. We both know we want to come out, but we also both know we don’t feel comfortable with you pitching in with the cost. You are settling into a new life and currently don’t have a job, and it just doesn’t sit well with me. When Doug did some checking a few weeks ago, he found tickets for $650 a person. Honestly, I’m not sure if we are going to be able to come at that price. I would love to see you, but the credit cards bills and new car is calling. I’m still job searching, so hopefully some more income will come in soon. We’ll keep in touch. Let’s just say it’s still undetermined for now.

    Love ya,

    • arikkahall

      I know money is tight for both of you. But I don’t think you should take the trip off the table. My family would love to meet you and see Doug and I’m sure everyone would pitch in to make that happen. And it might be cheaper to come after Christmas, if that interests you at all. So let’s keep talking about it and I’ll do some checking too to see if I can find a deal.

      Love you!

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